| "i still love you, i swear, i always will" |
[17 Jan 2005|07:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
It's January 17th, 2005. I probably shouldn't feel the way i do but i do and i never thought i'd hear myself saying i miss it, i miss the feeling of always having someone there, someone i'm use too. These other guys seem to just be distractions. When i'm around them i tend to forget everything and forget about you. When i'm alone I think about everything and I sometimes find myself wishing to be able to turn bac time, even if this had the same outcome. Its crazy to think about it and I die inside everytime I think about how you use to be my best friend and how we did everything together and how we don't even associate anymore because its impossible to just be friends. But shouldn't that tell us something? If two people are/were really in love and can't even be friends with falling all over again. What hold people back from doing it all over again? Are we scared of other peoples reactions? Are we scared of getting hurt again so we just ignore out real feelings? Or maybe this is just faded and maybe its not even real at all anymore, and maybe I'm the only one feeling sorrow right now. And maybe this feeling will be gone tomorrow and never come back or maybe the feeling will come back next week or next month or just whenever i'm not around my distractions. Until it comes back I live in denial. But I never really understood, if two people love each other then why can't they make it work? Since things are only what you make of it.. ? Why does it have to be so much more complicated then that if its what two people want?
|
4 Let Themselves go + Come with me
|
| blames her broken heart on every man in sight on a straight tequilla night </3333 |
[30 Dec 2004|01:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tim mcgraw. |
] |
I hate this feeling. when you hear someones name or you hear something you don't want to hear and your stomach drops and you get those really bad butterflies in your stomach and you all of a sudden feel sick and it makes it even worse when you know the feeling isn't right and you shouldn't feel that way about the situation but you can't help it. As far as my feelings go, lately everything hasnt been so wonderful. I used to always have this feeling of love, like it was always there and now i feel so empty and there is no motivation for anything anymore. I don't talk to my someone that was once my best friend anymore because of things that we have to stay mad at over and over again and even though we've cleared those things up its like there will always be a grudge held for it and it will always be on the back of someones mind. Another thing that bothers me is someone else i use to care about alot that i don't talk to anymore. I talk to them a few times but everytime i talk to them its like they are a totally different person from what they were 4 or 5 months ago. Now they drink everyday just to past the day and just to make it by another day. There isn't much i can do about it but it still bothers me to watch someone i use to care about so much, someone that i opened up and opened up too, do that to themselves. I've also realized that everyone around here is nobodys friend. People only think of themselves and if you try to think of someone elses feelings and consider the fact that something may hurt them, it probably won't matter in the end because they probably dont ever think of your feelings and something that may hurt you. After a year of always having someone to depend on i finally figured out that i need to learn to never depend on someone again because once they aren't there anymore you're completely on you're own and you have no one to run to anymore. But then again i think i would be happy to have someone to do it all over again with because the feeling is insane and its true that you don't know what you have until its gone. I'm more infatuated with the feelings that were there then anything. I don't miss anyone, I just miss the relationship. And i hate that i was there for someone whenever they needed me and i made that clear and then once they finally start to feel better about what happen they fuck me over. What the fuck is wrong with these people? There are no feelings for anyone but themselves. I guess its best to be on your own, then there isnt anyone there to let you down.
Well on a better note i got a puppy for christmas like i asked for. He's a miniature pinscher& his name is Riley. I'm obsessed with him and i went out and bought him a scarf and a cute little bed to match my comforter. =)
|
4 Let Themselves go + Come with me
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sydboo's journal